Overwhelmed With Pride

30th October, 2008 - These 2 days, I have been reading Dear Lama Zopa, the following striked a cord and I just want to pen this down as a reminder :

Most precious Teacher Lama Zopa,

I send you all my greetings and sincerest wishes for your good health. You do so much good in the world. I pray that you live long and continue to spread the teachings of the Buddha to all the corners of the world.

I would like to ask your advice about pride; it is something I struggle with daily. My mind becomes overwhelmed with pride again and again. I think that I am somehow special, superior to others. I have a hard time accepting anything other people want to give me on the grounds that I don't need anything from anybody. When someone criticizes me, my pride is easily hurt, and I react with a lot of anger. And on and on and on... I am really tired of all this inner drama and suffering. I would like to prevent it, but I don't know how. Please, can you tell me ways to handle this negative emotion?

Love,

Alejandra, Barcelona

My very dear Alejandra,

Thank you very much for your kind letter. Regarding your question on pride, this is my advice. It is important to remember that

• Each time pride arises, it leaves negative imprints on the mind, which block the path to enlightenment

If you have pride in relation to lower objects - those less fortunate or with fewer spiritual realizations - it causes strong delusion to arise and creates karma. This is very heavy and interferes with your attainment of enlightenment, which is the ultimate goal.

Pride closes your mind to realizations. Just as water cannot stay on top of an upside-down bowl, if you have pride, the water of intellectual understanding or realizations cannot get inside you.

No progress can occur in your mental continuum if you have pride. Even in worldly life, you won't get along with others. Many errors airse because of pride, including problems in future lives.

As it says in the teachings on thought transformation:

• Think : "There is so much ignorance in my mind, and there are many subjects I know nothing about. What I know is so little, hardly anything. There is so much ignorance."
• Think : "My realizations are very small. I do not even have the realization of death and impermanence."

In this way, reflect on your mistakes, including mistakes in the past. Thinking like this immediately makes you feel less proud and helps you have respect for others.

In 'A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life', it says, "I want to achieve a human body in my next life, but I create only negative karma and nonvirtue." If you examine your actions and their motivation in your daily life, you will see that your main motivation is for this life only.

Most actions are performed out of attachment seeking happiness in this life, and also attachment clinging to this life's happiness. Twenty-four hours a day our attitude is mainly attachment. This means even our Dharma actions are performed with this motivation, with the thought of this life's happiness. Twenty-four hours a day, your life becomes nonvirtue, and the result is to be reborn in the lower realms.

If pride arises when you see others who are ugly, have few possessions, no realizations, and so forth, the antidote is to think about the good qualities that they do have. That is one antidote. Then, when you see their good qualities, think "How wonderful" and rejoice. Rejoicing is also an antidote to pride.

• Think : "These beings appear to have these faults, but I never know in reality who they are, what kinds of good qualities they have, what their realizations are. I cannot see their minds, so I can't judge whether they are enlightened buddhas or bodhisattvas."

The Buddha was criticized by some non-Buddhists in India. They only saw mistakes in the Buddha. They could not see the beams of light coming from the Buddha's body. They only saw a mistaken monk. Likewise, when we think we see an inferior being, we might actually be looking at a buddha. Thinking in this way is an antidote to pride.

These are a few methods that you can use.

Pride prevents you from cherishing others. This becomes an obstacle to having realizations, practising bodhichitta, and achieving enlightenment so you can benefit and liberate all other sentient beings and bring them to enlightenment.

I hope this is enough advice on pride. Have a good time and experience putting this advice into practice.

With much love and prayers, Lama Zopa

A New Tang Baby

29th October, 2008 - This morning, after sending the kids to school, it struck me that I had offered mom a ride back to Tg Sepat when I have the time ... it's been 10 days and I have not fulfilled this offer, felt kinda guilty actually. So, I gave mom a call to ask if she's free to go today ... of course, she immediately said yes despite this last minute arrangement ! Gave big sis a call, she graciously said yes, she can give my kids a ride back from school to mom's place later in the evening.

Alas, after picking mom up from dad's restaurant, we went back to mom's place, prayed (it's the 1st day of the Chinese calendar month) and after a fresh bath, we took a leisure drive, just the two of us ^_^ Shared some stories, related to mom about recent happenings in our lives, had some good laughs and well ... it was a lovely one and a half hour drive ^_^

Now, introducing our new baby to the Tang family, my new nephew : Tang Hai Sheng, a healthy 2.9kg boy born on 18th October, 2008. He is the reason for our visit ! My brother commented that baby Hai Sheng is very good natured, very easy to care for. His eyes and nose resembled his mom whilst his mouth look a lot like his dad ! It's a pleasant sight ... innocent, contented, drowsy after his milk feed and finally fell into a deep slumber with a smile on his face.

Could see and feel that Mom was very happy. Despite her deteriorating eyesight, she made 2 baby bedsheets out of sample textiles, each painstakingly cut and sewed together ... still remember long long time ago, mom used to make quilts out of free sample textiles for each and everyone of her children ... soft cotton fabrics cut into triangles and stitched together, very comfortable to sleep in ... could not put mom's LOVE into words back then, now realised how very very blessed we all are, don't you agree?

This trip, mother and daughter did things together ... mom got her hair cut, I got my hair washed and blown at youngest aunt's hair salon, bought groceries at youngest uncle's chop, paid third aunt a visit and was treated to a bowl of 'lok mei' each (yummy! been a long time since I last ate this famous dessert), got to taste teochew plain porridge with yummy side dishes such as ham choy man chu yok, pork slice fried with ginger and thick soy sauce, fried kembung dish, long beans fried with garlic and oyster sauce ... so so so YUMMY!

Lastly, a visit to 4th aunt's place landed me with 2 big cups of icy home-made soya bean and a plasticful of home-grown cili padi ... so so tiny and spicy ... visualising a plate of raw home-grown mangoes dip in a paste made of cut cili padi, sugar, thick soy sauce ... WAH ... saliva forming already !

Beautiful Wedding Message

29th October, 2008 - Nearly forgot there's a wedding dinner to attend until my big sis called. Oops! At 4.30pm I was still on the Seremban highway, coming back to KL after a long day at Tg Sepat.

Nevertheless, still made it on time ... ha ... almost missed the new couple's grand entrance ! 10 course dinner as usual but what caught my attention was the speech delivered by the groom.

He told the audience a real life story : a woman who unconditionally raised a little boy, together with 5 other siblings, how that woman stayed up all night to take care of him when he was sick, how dedicated she was towards the kids' welfare ... That night, with happy tears, the bridegroom thanked this woman who ain't his maternal parent but his 'ku ku' for the sacrifices and love for all the 6 children she helped to bring up ... so touching ...

Durian tree planting

28th October, 2008 - Yesterday, while I was enjoying my feast of durian, Bob came up to me, observed me and commented : Mommy, you like durian so much, I want to plant the seeds so that next time no need to buy, can save money ...

Mommy : Oh okay ... that's a very nice thought dear. Do you know how to plant a durian tree?

Bob : Just dig a hole and put the seed in, then cover it lah. Everyday, I can water the plant and wait for it to grow lor.

Mommy : Oh okay ... we can try that but mommy is not sure if that will work.

So, together with Joey, Bob took some durian seeds, plant them at the backyard and watered the three spots where he has planted one seed each. After which, Bob came into the house and proudly announced : Mommy, you will have durians to eat tomorrow !

Ha ha ha ... to which monmy said, Oh no Bob, durian trees will not grow that fast and we may have to wait like 5 years or more before we can have our very own durians to eat !

Today, Dash excitedly showed me a plate of seeds ... pumpkin seeds which Devi just digged out of the pumpkin mom gave to me when we visited her the other day. So, there they went to the backyard... Dash started digging holes, Jasmine placed the seeds into each hole and then Dash cover up the holes before watering them ... well, well, well ... let's see when we can have our very own pumpkin ... next halloween?

Looks like we will have to start venturing into the seeds department when we next pay a visit to the supermarket ! ^_^

Bukit Tinggi Day Trip

26th October, 2008 - The kids were excited about today's trip. After a hearty meal of dim sum, off we went to Bukit Tinggi ... Jessica, Cat Cat, Camelia, Odelia, Jenny, Jasmine, Dash, Bob and Devi, all 9 of us squeezed into 1 Innova ... full of chatters, laughters, quizzes and Q&A sessions in the car

Our first stop

Bob and his Mickey Mouse umbrella

Colmar Tropical - French inspired architecture

Hanging bridge at Colmar Tropical

At the street of Colmar Tropical

At the children playhouse

1 token @ RM1

The Big KID in me

F1 racer at work

A taste of lime ice-cream before venturing into the Japanese Garden ... YUMMY !

Leng Luis

Outside the Japanese Restaurant

Koi fish feeding

Bob's orange balloon sword converted into his crown :-)

At the Rabbit Park ... so CUTE !!

Young Entrepreneur

24th October, 2008 - This evening, Dash came knocking at my door, accompanied by kakak ... looking rather worried. I was about to ask him what's wrong when he passed me RM50. Sensing he has something important to tell me, I held his hand, led him into my room and sat him down with me. By now, he has lowered his head as if in shame....

Mommy : Look at mommy here. Now, tell me how did you get this RM50?

Dash : I sold these (hand-made flying dagger)...

Mommy : Huh? You mean you sold these toys that you have been making the other day, the same toys that Jasmine scolded you for wasting the pages you tore from your exercise books?

Dash : Yes

Mommy : Okay ... who did you sell them to?

Dash : My school friends.

Mommy : How many of them?

Dash : I don't know ... 3M, 3K, 3B friends ... I cannot remember how many.

Mommy : I see. How much did you sell them for?

Dash : Em ... 50sen each but some really can fly very well one, I sold for RM1, some bigger ones I sold for RM2. My friends asked me to sell to them one. Two of my friends asked me to teach them how to make. So, I taught them but they say it's so difficult to make. That's why they ask me to sell to them ... (by now, Dash is smiling away and got excited relating to mommy the incident at school)

Mommy : Wow! Mommy had no idea. Very well then, what do you intend to do with this RM50?

Dash : I give you lah

Mommy : Oh... thank you dear but tell you what. Since you are the one who made this money, Mommy will bank this into your bank account. Is that ok?

Dash : OKAY ! (beaming away, showing me his chubby grin and his 2 front rabbit teeth.... :-)

Alas, I congratulated Dash for his entrepreneurship and advised him not to sell anymore, lest the school children's parents make complaints to the school authority... to which Dash agreed and said he can teach his friends how to make them instead.

Well, well, well ... mommy is happy that Dash sees the value of money the way he did. I am very glad that he did not just keep the money to himself and spend it away without telling me!!! What a money-making genius huh ^_^

Still remember Dash had on a few ocassion asked me for permission to hold a garage sale to make some money out of the old toys that he is no longer interested in! In fact, before this, he actually went around knocking on neighbours' door (together with Jasmine and Joey) when we were still staying in our old flat, trying to sell some hand-made Chinese new year decoration items made of red packets! Back then, they managed to sell 1 actually... ^_^

A college friend who came for a visit suggested that we frame it up : DASH's 1st RM50 PROFIT. Related to Dash, and he said YES!!

Excitement In The Air

24th October, 2008 - It's friday already! When the kids came onboard after school today, Dash quickly showed me his green belt and Bob rushed in to show me his yellow belt ! I excitedly offered my hand and gave them a big hand squeeze each and exclaimed : CONGRATULATIONS !

Jasmine came next and showed me : Ku Ku, I also got a Young Scientist certificate today ... SEE :-) Wah ! CONGRATULATIONS to you too, Jasmine ...

This calls for a celebration and off we went home. After dinner, I gave them a treat at Carrefour ... ^_^ with 5 excited kids tagging along, it sure drew stares and amused looks ... ha ha ha ...

No Show No Glow

24th October, 2008 - I was so immersed in reading this book, FIVE WISHES by Gay Hendricks ... just wanted to share this story :

Always Elsewhere

"... I'd just had an experience of myself at my worst with regard to this trait. My daughter had spent hours constructing an elaborate Halloween costume. She had constructed out of cardboard a perfect replica of a corrugated metal trashcan. She spray-painted it green, to match the color of the cans that lined our street on trash pick-up day. She wore the can around her, and the lid served as her hat. The liner was made of a plastic trash bag, which she had also crafted into suspenders that held the can in place. Around the outside of the can she had stenciled "Candy Disposal Unit." Her costume was the receptacle into which people could throw their candy, and before the evening was over she could hardly stagger along, so heavy was her load. My description does not do justice to its quirky creativity or the hilarious effect it had on people who saw it. As I took her from house to house trick-or-treating, her costume caused a stir every time someone opened the door to us. Usually the reaction was along the lines of, "Hey, honey, you've got to come see this!"

"Yet instead of savoring this evening of home-made performance art, I found myself getting impatient after she visited just a few houses. I had other things to do - a speech I was working on, a backlog of phone calls to return. I began to give her "hurry-up" signals, and soon, to please me, she was virtually sprinting from house to house. When we returned home we were both exhausted."

"After I put her to bed I started to work on my speech but then realized I was so tired I couldn't think straight. What had I hurried for? Why had I rushed through such a sweet evening to get back to work? And now the rushing had wiped me out so I couldn't even work. I felt disgusted that I'd missed another magic moment of Amanda's childhood. Sadly, it hadn't been the first."

"I could feel the pinch of this issue on the personal level, in my relationship with Amanda, but I could also feel the spiritual consequences of hurrying through life. I was beginning to understand why the world's spiritual traditions stressed the value of being in the moment, celebrating the present, and living in the now. The magic of life happened in the now. The present was where the holy moments of life occurred, whether they were exalted peak experiences or the simple joys of holding a child's hand while she trick-or-treated."

I had on many occasions felt the same way... while I was physically there, spiritually, I was somewhere else ... kinda strike a cord here right? Somewhere along the way I learned to take it easy even as life sped up. Learning to savor the moments of life is an ongoing process, so I hope I'll always be learning to savor more and more... to go from always wanting to be someplace else to always feeling there's no place I'd rather be, moments that give life its radiant glow ^_^

A Day of Running Errands

22nd October, 2008 - Today, I ran around town ... from 1 place to another :

(1) Sent kids to school on time, despite waking up late !

(2) Did some marketing at the wet market - bought kampung chicken drumsticks, fish balls, fish cakes and stuff them into tupperware containers (help to save the environment, ok?) and off they went into my ice-packed bag ... bought vegetables for the week and also helped a neighbour friend buy some (she insisted to buy only non-China imported ones like cabbage from Cameron Highlands, celery from USA and carrots from Australia ... hmm ... learned something today :-)

(3) Collected rental due from tenant who apologised for being late in payment and assured me of future prompt payments ... ok lah ... after all she just changed job ^_^

(4) Registered Jenny into Form 1 next year - a few of us were early and by the time the counter start the day's registration, a man who just got in went straight to the attendant and enquired if that is the place for registration. When the attendant said yes, he straight away sat down in front of her, ready to register for his daughter. That was when I felt compelled to right the situation, approached the attendant and suggested that she let those who came in earlier to register first ... to be fair ! The man quickly got up and explained that he didn't mean to jump queue. I smiled, nodded my head and thanked him for understanding. Well, made my point and am happy that Malaysians are quite an educated and well mannered lot ! Hence, the malay lady who got in first was given the privilege to register first ... after giving me an appreciative gesture ^_^

(5) Went to the bank, changed some small notes for disbursements later in the day

(6) Assisted a client in preparing their cashflow projection

(7) Rushed to another client's place, disbursed claims

(8) Bought some books from MPH warehouse sale @ >50% discount :

The Gift of Inner Peace by Sophie Bevan - love the quotes and beautiful photos !! A nice small book which will keep me company in the car - get stuck in traffic jams, no frust ^_^ I believe the quotes in this book will present me with food for thoughts that is sure to awaken different feelings in me at different reading times ...

Paulo Coelho has been my favourite author of late. Bought more than 10 books on 1 May 2008 when I was in Singapore during the MPH sale. In fact, love some of the poems in the different books and had written a few in my green book too. So, when I saw this "Life" selected quotations, I just could not resist grabbing this one here ^_^ adding another great book to my ever-expanding collection ... :-)

Notes from the Universe - this is one of the sequel to 'The Secret' which I have read and found to be of immense relevance in my quest to be a better person in attracting the good things in life. This book is sure to give me some new perspectives and life's valuable lessons ...

Ah ... this is my favourite purchase of the day ! Five Wishes - how answering one simple question can make your dreams come true ... WOW ! Guess what? I could not put down this book, started reading it while I was on my way out of the MPH Warehouse Sale and would pick it up to read whenever I was waiting for the red traffic light to turn green ^_^ Ok ok ... that's probably one of my way of not getting frustrated with traffic jams like I used to read my Reader's Digest in the car :-)

Perfect Health - I have recently read Deepak Chopra's "Buddha" and found his writings easy to digest ... and the title of this book : Perfect Health actually got me asking myself is there such a thing as PERFECT health? Ha ha ... hope to find some answers here ! As it is, always aim for 'A', if cannot get, at least will land with a 'B' lor ^_^

The Compassionate Life - this title really caught my attention. Ever since my last read on 'being compassionate' found in a whole section of my early read in "Still Water" which I really enjoy and started understanding the meaning of compassionate, I have been applying it in my day to day life. This book, I hope will provide me with more insights and further understanding ^_^

Dear Lama Zopa - touches on radical solutions for transforming problems into Happiness. Happiness is the key word here that won my attention. The way this book is being written : answers to letters from normal people on anger, animals, children, death, depression, divorce, dreams, drugs, fame, fear, forgiveness, God, grief, healing, jealousy, money, relationships, suing, vegetarianism, war and other life struggles; in a very simple language makes this book a must buy for me ah ^_^

The Chronicles of Narnia - having watched the 2 movies which I found very entertaining with good moral principles and fairy-tale like stories. Well, this one has got all 7 original novels. Though a very thick book of 766 pages, I know I'll enjoy reading the stories during my bedtime ... like I always do since childhood days. Of course, the determining factor for buying this book is the fact that it only costs me RM15 compared to the original price of RM99!! Ha ha ... a good bargain is hard to resist lah considering the many happy hours I'll have reading this one ^_^

Art Skills - this one, of course satisfies my love for discovering art as well as making this coming school holiday an interesting and exciting one for the kids at home ! With 120 ideas in this book, I bet the kids will enjoy doing some of the projects shared in there ... of course, with mommy taking the lead, a sure fire way to fill the evenings with creative masterpieces from the kids and me ^_^

The lastest craze in town ! Wordsearch, a brain teaser for the kids ... of late, the kids have been diligently searching for the hidden words in the puzzles. Bought 2 books before this at RM13-90, today, I got this at RM4 ... so, another irresistible offer ... bought 2 of these for the younger ones to do after Bob got interested, having seen Dash and Jenny enjoying their word searches !

(9) Last but not least, the kids and I paid a visit to mom who has not been feeling well for the past 2 days. Helped her to cook dinner and had a lively chat, catching up with each other. She seemed to be cheerful today ^_^ Left mom's place with a bag of fish heads and 4 giant mangoes !

PHEW! What a blast of a day ^_^ HAPPY :-)

Making A Point

21st October, 2008 - I was at Parkson as I had 2 hours to kill before picking up the kids from school. Parkson is having it's birthday bash celebration and so is on sale ... wanted to buy nail polish remover as the existing bottle is drying up soon. That was when I spotted the Camella brand having a buy 1 free 1 promotion. So, I grabbed 2 bottles and presented them at the cashier. When I was charged for the price of 2 bottles instead of 1, I protested. The store supervisor came over and explained that the buy 1 free 1 promotion is only meant for the nail polish only.

So, I brought the supervisor to the promotion counter and showed her the display :


(1) The signage was placed in the middle, between the nail polishes and the nail polish removers

(2) The signage showed : Camella "Asst Items" and NOT "Nail polish only"

(3) The Camella nail polish removers was placed within the vicinity of the signage area

Then, I asked the supervisor for her opinion if she were to put herself in a customer's shoe. She had no choice but to agree with me. However, she further insisted that the nail polish removers cannot be sold to me at 'buy one free one' deal. By now, I have made up my mind to 'make my point' and insisted that I be given the deal (ha ha ... even though the money involved is insignificant) no matter what and asked to see the store manager instead. So, reluctantly the supervisor paged for the manager but was informed that the manager is at a meeting and she looked at me with an impatient expression ... I then insisted that for such a big organisation, it is ridiculous that only that particular manager can make a decision!

While I was made to wait for an answer, I took out my camera and snapped these 3 photos and told the cashier that I will send the photos to the media if they cannot settle the issue within the shortest possible time.

Alas, I got the 'buy one free one' deal, smiled and said to the supervisor : It's nothing against you, please understand that and I thank you for dealing with me so patiently, I appreciate that very much. Thank you. Oh yes, do alter the signage after this :-) Ha ! The supervisor apologised for the inconvenience and gave me a smile whilst the cashier also said her 'Thank you and please come again'

Well, well, well ... I got my point across and am happy at the turn of event ^_^

Parenting Without Anger

21st October, 2008 - This evening, I attended a talk on parenting without having to shout, scold or beat up the child ... interesting ... 2 hours of non-stop entertainment !!! Learnt some valuable lessons :

(1) Be a loving parent and express our love for our children so that they know our love for them is unconditional simply because they are our children

(2) Punish our children if need to - make them uncomfortable, not to make them scared or they will grow up to be timid, low self-esteem adults. When they are uncomfortable, they will then not repeat the wrongful deed because they feel more comfortable not repeating it.

(3) Reward after punishment - very important to thank them for co-operating and ask them politely, if they can, not to repeat the same wrongful deeds

This way, the kid will grow up to 'co-operate' and not rebel, knowing they are being loved unconditionally instead of being 'picked' upon as the bad apple !

At the end of the talk, bought a mandarin comic book for kids - '50 good habits' and got the professor to autograph it ^_^ as well as registered the kids for a free trial lesson with the professor on cultivating good behaviours in them :-)

Up Your Service

20th October, 2008 - Today, I had an early lunch with a friend at the Bakery Academy, Sri Petaling. The service was bad, the waiters were not trained at all, so much so that 2 disheartened customers (being me and my girlfriend) got to teach these youngster some valuable lessons in "UP YOUR SERVICE" ... ha ha ...

Girlfriend : Can you tell me if this Seafood Roll is steamed or deep-fried ones?

Waiter : Err ... It's steamed ones

Girlfriend : Ok, I'll order this but if it turns out to be deep-fried ones, you eat and pay for it okay?

Waiter : Yes

After a while ...

Waiter : So sorry, it's actually deep-fried ones (looking sheepish now)

Girlfriend : What kind of service is this? You don't even know what you are selling !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Odelia : Em ... can I know what is the "Soup of the day"

Waiter : Oh ... what soup you want to order, you tell me

Odelia : (Stunned) ... but I just want to know what's your "Soup of the day", how can I order if I don't know whether your "Soup of the day" is mushroom soup, tomato soup, pumpkin soup, etc. etc.?

Waiter, (looking puzzled) turns away and got another waiter (senior) to attend to me

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Overall, the food was okay, just that the waiters are not properly trained to serve customers and they don't even know what they are selling !! Gave some well-meaning advice to the young punks actually and they ended up smiling, well, at least they are quite receptive to suggestions, for which I felt it was worth voicing out ... well, well, well ... normally I would not do such a thing as in 'complaining' about bad services but today, I guess something must have got into me to propel me into putting money into these youngsters' pockets ... ha ha ha ... hopefully the next time I pay this little cafe a visit, they would have UP their Service ^_^