My Success Journal - 29 Feb 2008

1. I arrived early at my client's office and managed to catch a nap in the car before starting work.

2. I had a simple but good lunch at the cafetaria near client's office.

3. Pauline came over for a chat. We had green tea, fruits, sunflower seeds, kuai lin gou and shared some light moments at the pond-side until nearly 1 a.m.

4. I played some solitaire games until about 3 am while waiting for my hair to dry properly after the simple blow-dry job.

My Success Journal - 28 Feb 2008

1. Bob revised for tomorrow's ting siea test and Dash helped him with some minor correction that I missed. Bob was initially frustrated with Dash for undiplomatically pointing out his mistakes, then was all smiles when Dash mellowed down on his teasing and gave Bob a hug. Bob hugged Dash in return and said "Thank You Zhong Hao Ko Ko". A heart warming sight.

2. I fed the fish with Pei Wen on my side while eating Jelly/Kuai Lin Kou. Had a light chat and suggested that Pei Wen ask our neighbours (when she sees them) if they want to adopt some of the guppy fishes in our big pond as they have doubled/tripled over the last few weeks.

3. I sat down with Dash to go through those homework cases that he does not fully understand and he was actually looking very happy and chatty too.

4. I had my fortune-telling session at Central Market this afternoon, as a guidance on my future betterment.

My Success Journal - 27 Feb 2008

1. Today, I managed to finalise all UTSB and Astro's 24 companies' audit for September 2007 year end and sent for typing.

2. I managed to get a lift in my colleague's car on the way to a client's office for a new audit assignment. Using the public taxi for the ride back to the office was also smooth despite the traffic jam.

3. I checked Bob's homework and found him failing most of his spelling, ejaan and ting siea. As the next day he has ejaan, I managed to get him to revise and after some initial struggle, he managed to get all 4 words correct, ready for tomorrow's ejaan test.

4. I watched some entertaining shows on tv and played a few rounds of solitaire before retiring for the night.

My Success Journal - 26 Feb 2008

1. This morning, Bob refused to get down from the car when we reached the school. After some soothing chat and a hug, he then went to his class feeling much better.

2. Today, I was very productive in the office, ahead of schedule for the September year end audit.

3. I received more compliments from my colleagues on my new hairdo.

My Success Journal - 25 Feb 2008

1. I went grocery shopping at Giant on the way home from work, also bought myself hair shampoo, conditioner and mask specially for coloured hair as advised by the hair stylist. Tried them and loved the feel of smooth and healthy hair.

2. I had some relaxing moment feeding the koi fishes while feeding myself with Kueh Kapit and chit-chatting with Jenny and Zu Er.

3. I gave some guidance to Jenny on her mathematics homework. She is hard working in terms of making it a point to finish her homework and seem to be progressing well.

4. Dash chose to sleep in my bedroom, and thus Bob slept alone ... good training for Bob to overcome his fear of sleeping on his own without a partner and without the lights.

My Success Journal - 24 Feb 2008

1. Sent the kids to their first Kids' Buddhist Class. When asked Dash whether he enjoyed the class, he gave me a big smile and said "YES", something which he seldom say as he seemed to dislike the year end camps and has been requesting me not to register him for it this year. Hope he will enjoy the weekly sessions at the Buddhist class and change his mind towards the end of the year.

2. I went out for a movie with Connie who volunteered to fetch me from my house. Watched Rambo 4, a very violent movie about the war era in Myammar. Rather disturbing to realise that these violent and barbaric scenes may be the true picture of what people actually go through in their life! Felt grateful that I do not live in those war zone areas.

3. I was spotted by a fresh sales promoter, had a go at the lucky draw and got myself a voucher from citispa for a free jacuzzi and steam bath.

4. I had dinner with Connie and 3rd sis at their house, a simple and yet sumptous meal. Enjoyed the steamed kampung chicken, steamed pomfret, 3rd sis' salad and asam fried lady fingers. After dinner, Connie and 3rd sis sent me home. Could hardly keep my tired eyes open and had a good quiet nap on the way home!

My Success Journal - 23 Feb 2008

1. Today was sunny, two (love birds?) came for a dip in my water fountain. So refreshing, they seem to enjoy themselves, leaving me feeling warm and tender ... wishing they would come back again another day.

2. I had a total makeover on my hairstyle, thanks to Clare who took me to Image in Kepong Maluri and waited patiently for 4 hours while I had my hair evaluated, cut, permed, bleached and dyed ! Now spotting a fuller head of body curvy locks with different colour tones. Some comments received were : looks much younger, very nicely done, wow! why the sudden change? suits you very well, wah very in, what makes you go wild? hee hee hee ... overall satisfied with my new look!

3. I had a yummy meal of claypot loh she fun and belacan shee miu together with Clare and shared some light moments during the drive home.

4. Dennis and Pauline drop by for a visit after having dinner with my ex. Received praises on my new hairdo from my ex and Pauline ....

5. Retired to bed early, slept well.

My Success Journal - 22 Feb 2008

1. Got the children to say something positive about each child while on the way to school this morning, instead of the usual complaints they had for each other. Zu Er was the first ... her smiles are irresistible (so cute you want to pinch her cheeks!), she eats, bathes, sleeps without an adult's supervision/help. Pei Wen ... helps out in the kitchen, Zhong Yuan ... eats on his own, wears his own clothes, Zhong Hao ... is good with the computer and gadgets, Zhen Ni ... helps the younger ones with their homework ... a good start for appreciating each other !

2. This morning, me and my big bro-in-law made amends and apologies for what happened during the past 2 days were exchanged and accepted.

3. I went out for lunch with colleagues today after one whole week of 'no lunch preferred'.

4. My colleague who just got back from Bali gave me a nice little souvenir (aromatic home-made soap, essential oil and flower candle).

My Success Journal - 21 Feb 2008

1. I added another 14 poems into my little green book.


2. 3rd sis sent me a meaningful pic which got me thinking : I would trade anything for the blissful smiles on those faces



In the picture, just look at their condition.. no place to sleep, still they have made some space for d cat n d dog... water poring from the roof but still each 1 of them have a peaceful smile on their face.. Simply amazing!!!!! The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems,but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect. Keep Smiling Always.


3. I gave the mamak stall auntie and Indian chap an angpow each, as a way of saying I appreciate the nice breakfasts they made me every morning. Made them very happy !


4. Chap Goh Mei at mom's house, enjoyed the variety of dishes especially the 'rice wine chicken'.... yummy ....

My Success Journal - 20 Feb 2008

1. I sent a feedback email to Celcom for charging me 3 x for each sms that I sent and requested for an explanation.

2. I sent big sis a sms : Hi sis! Hope you are feeling better already. Just wanted to say a big thank you for all you have done for me and my family. And so sorry for taken you for granted. You certainly are a great sis to have and I am so proud to have you as my sis. With lots of love, ct. Her humble reply : Pls no need 2 sd that. I m ok now. I take care all of u n friend n all body is frm my hard. Doing something is not hope can get something back. we all r in a family what!

3. I started writing down poems which I really like in my new little green book, the first 2 being "The Awakening" which I find suits me just right at this point in my life and "24 Interludes ofLife".

My Success Journal - 19 Feb 2008

1. Dr. Melvin informed me that I have achieved SVR (Sustained Virological Response) results for 2 years and that in layman's term means that my HepC virus is not detectable through blood tests and that means I am already cured (approximately 96%) which is as good as it can possibly be.

2. I took my first anti-cervical cancer vaccine at Dr. Melvin's clinic with the assistance of his nurse, without any charge. Just ask and you shall get. Never try never know when one can get favour(s) from others.

3. The nurse who administered the jab asked if I am a student! Wow, that makes me feel 20 years younger! Her mouth dropped when I told her I am already approaching 40!

4. I paid a visit to 3rd sis/Connie and stayed for lunch. Before leaving, I was given a pandan plant, a UHU glue for my giraffe and a can of mosquito aerosol spray upon request! as in the proverb, "Yao Sek Yao Leng"!

5. I tendered my resignation, my boss accepted it and was generous enough to let me decide when to leave.

My Success Journal - 18 Feb 2008

1. I had a game of badminton with Dash.

2. I paid Thien Hou temple a visit.

3. I had dinner together with Dash and Bob.

My Success Journal - 17 Feb 2008

1. I had a heart-to-heart talk with Khai Che who is upset over his parents' quarrel and pacified him. He smiled his gratitude.

2. My boys managed to get me out of my bed and I went cycling with them, also had a game of badminton with Pei Wen and Dash.

3. I managed to catch up on my reading on Buddha by Deepak Chopra and took an afternoon nap as well in my air-conditioned bedroom.

My Success Journal - 16 Feb 2008

1. I had breakfast and did marketing at OUG wet market together with the boys.

2. I relaxed, napped and finished the near 1000 pages of Shantaram while enjoying soft background music for therapy.

3. I filmed and had fun watching Dash dancing away to the soft music in my bedroom.

My Success Journal - 15 Feb 2008

1. I found a motivational poem "The Awakening" :

The Awakening
There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:
­ how you should look and how much you should weigh
­ what you should wear and where you should shop
­ where you should live or what type of car your should drive
­ who you should sleep with and how you should behave
­ who you should marry and why you should stay
­ the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10”.... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you make peace with the woman in the mirror and you learn to give her the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive[1]”... and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. And you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for my “God” to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this: “You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.”

My “God” has never failed me.

Copyright © 1999 Sonny Carroll. All Rights Reserved.
[1] Excerpt from the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi.

2. This morning I finally signed off the SJK C Sentul's audited 2007 Statement of Receipts and Payments.

3. Bob called me up to ask for a cycling date tonight, which I happily said YES to.

My Success Journal - 14 Feb 2008

1. I enjoyed myself at the "Be My Valentine" Singles Event on this Valentines Day and met 11 other singles. Good food, good live band performance, some games, lucky draw, laughter and overall a lively and fun evening. Got lucky during the lucky draw - a free Karaoke session at Quality Hotel for 2.

2. I enjoyed some light moments with Bob till midnight, munching apples while watching beautiful fireworks from my bedroom window.

3. I helped Jenny print out her assignment - Kami Anak Malaysia. Reminded me of those days when I was in the School Choir.

My Success Journal - 13 Feb 2008

1. Today, I managed to complete the audit of PIBG accounts due on 15 Feb 2008.

2. I went on diet in the morning as well as in the afternoon and took the meal replacements instead.

3. I put on my new hairclip and looked tidier.

4. I went for a near-midnight cycling with Bob, Jenny and Joey after much persistent persuasion from Bob (since yesterday night!). The air was cooling and fresh, with no other vehicles on the road. The kids love it too.

My Success Journal - 12 Feb 2008

1. I managed to bank in the boys' angpow money and update their savings passbooks during lunch time.

2. I received the Feb 2008 rental and sent out a thank you note acknowledging receipt to the tenant who replied my sms with a thank you note as well.

3. I bought a hairclip at KL Sentral and managed to tidy up my hair!

My Success Journal - 11 Feb 2008

1. I sent out an e-mail to Mr Gomez on the report needed for a client with deadline on the 12 Feb 2008 first thing in the morning, in time for his review and signature before sending off to the client.

2. I finally found my boys' savings passbook. I can bank-in their angpow money at last!

3. I finally broke down and let the boys know what mommy has and is going through and felt relieved that at last I do not have to hide my fears and tears away from them, professing my love for them and extended my apologies to them for putting them through difficult times. They were very accepting and understanding. We hugged for a long-long time while I cried my heart out, with Bob consoling me in his own silent way by rubbing me on the back just like I do to him when he is feeling down and sad. Bob gave me our secret hand squeezes during dinner time too.

My Success Journal - 10 Feb 2008

1. I took a walk at Legian beach together with a new friend, Fairul Kamaruddin and managed to catch a video of 3 kids enjoying a dip in the sea together with their pet dog as well as some great shots of young boys fishing from the beach. Loved the big waves that the Australian surfers love so much.



2. My 3 giraffes arrived safely at the Airport! The Law of Attraction is great!

3. I had a lovely time at the CNY gathering at Ping Ping's house together with all my 5 kids, shared my photos taken in Bali and shared some light moments with my friends while the kids entertained themselves : the boys played games with the other boys and the girls kept themselves occupied with food and played with the other girls. Ang pows were given away and the children received them with big smiles on their happy faces.

My Success Journal - 09 Feb 2008

1. The 3rd day in Bali, I managed to wake up on time for the day's journey. Stopped for shopping at various places on the way to Kinta Mani. Bought a silver necklace at the silver crafts shop, visited an art gallery with lots of beautiful paintings, a local batik shop, a wood carving shop and lastly a stop at the one and only kuih lapis shop on our way back to the hotel.

2. I managed to take lots of photos, capturing mostly beautiful sculptures, the trade mark of Bali as well as the beautiful scenery at the Kinta Mani volcano after a hearty buffet lunch at the "Cameron Highland" weather/atmosphere outdoor.

3. I took a risk and bought 3 wood-carved giraffes, the tallest one being more than 7 feet and prayed that all three will arrive intact despite the tour guide saying ' no guarantee' that the giraffes will not break into pieces since it is so fragile!

My Success Journal - 08 Feb 2008

1. 2nd day in Bali, enjoyed horse-cart ride and visit Tanah Lot (witnessed a merry Hindu temple ceremony), took many photos, viewed sunset, got to know other tour members and a free delicious local meal treat from Charles' family.

2. I missed the boys and managed to speak to them before retiring to bed for the night.

3. I managed to fall asleep peacefully after reciting some Buddhist mantras.

My Success Journal - 07 Feb 08

1. I managed to pack and got ready for my Bali trip.

2. I had re-union breakfast with the 2 boys, their daddy and Devi at a vegetarian restaurant in Sri Petaling before bidding them goodbye as they got ready to leave for Taiping and managed to persuade Bob to go despite his earlier reluctance as the grandparents are waiting to see him.

3. I boarded the plane in time after giving Connie a reminder call as she had promised to fetched me to the airport and managed to catch some sleep during the 3 hours flight despite some disturbances from some of the children's screaming and high volume chatters.

4. I arrived safely at Bali, managed to check-into the Legian Village Hotel and catch some sleep while missing the boys.

My Success Journal - 6 Feb 08

1. I finally finished my pending job on time for CARAM and may the donor understand the analysis and approve the balance of grant to CARAM.

2. I had re-union lunch together with the children at The Ship and gave away Angpows to the children and Devi. All had a great time enjoying the food especially the children who were all beaming with big smiles and played god knows what games on the carpeted floor! I did not scream at them despite the prospect of them getting the bad bacteria.

3. I watched the many fireworks that started 10 minutes before midnight, marking the start of the lunar new year together with the boys from my bedroom.

4. I managed to get Dash to read his Enid Blyton story book after many weeks of non-story reading while I read mine.

My Success Journal - 05 Feb 2008

1. I was able to finish an urgent special audit assignment within a short time period.

2. I went to parents' house for dinner and fetched the children home.

3. I spent some time feeding the koi fishes while feeding myself with fruits. I felt relaxed and at peace.

4. I had a good talk with my ex, put my views and points across to him very clearly.

My Success Journal - 04 Feb 2008

1. I sent out thank you notes of appreciation to Sharuna, Connie, 3rd sis, Big sis, Thomas, Dennis and Pauline for extending their helping hands during the housewarming parties and received notes/calls of their pleasure in return.

2. I received a call from Connie who offered me a ride to LCCT this coming Thursday, 7 Feb 2008 for my trip to Bali. I gracefully accepted her offer.

3. I thanked my TARC friends who attended the pre-CNY gathering through email.

4. I sent text message to Dr Nick for his lovely cheese cake which came just in time as we were running out of food and received his 'don't mention it' reply.

My Success Journal - 03 Feb 2008

1. I managed to get ready the baskets of CNY gifts in time for the re-union lunch at parent's house.

2. I managed to buy the Yee Sang and salmon meat as promised for the re-union lunch.

3. It was a simple and happy re-union together with the rest of the family.

4. I managed to retire to bed very early after 3 exhausting parties in a row and slept like a log.

5. I managed to see that the children finish their homework in time for school the next day before calling it a day.

My Success Journal - 02 Feb 2008

1. I had another great evening, a successful 2nd session of housewarming party. It was great seeing, exchanging greetings and mingle with all my invited guests from TAR College, High School and neighbours.

2. I understood and believe the Law of Attraction. Wished for someone to bring a cake and hey presto! Dr. Nick Ng's wife (neighbour) brought a cheese cake from their Secret Recipe outlet just in time when food ran out. Chocolates and cookies came from other guests as well. Must have been the rain! All seemed to be attacked by the hungry virus! Glad that not much food was left at the end of the evening.

3. A special thank you note to all those who helped out without my request : Dennis, Pauline, and the extra helping hands from Big sis's maid and Hani, Dennis' maid.

4. The children's happy smiles really made my day! They were offered lots of favourite goodies such as rounds of chocolates, kueh kapit, ice-cream, cake, sausages and french fries. Such cute, polite and happy chatterboxes! Their sweet smiles and soft "thank you, auntie" voices still lingers in my memory the next morning!

5. Bottles of wine and bouquet of fruits from guests also brightens up the house.

6. The rain came before the party, making the whole house a very cooling place. It stopped in time for the BBQ session to start. The weather was just perfect for the BBQ and when the last round of BBQ was coming to an end, it started drizzling again, just in time as well!

My Success Journal - 01 Feb 2008

1. I had a busy and tiring day but happy and successful housewarming party! More than 60 people turned up.

2. The children and their friends helped out in preparing for the party.

3. Many willing helping hands made my day. A special thank you note to Connie, 3rd sis, Big sis and Thomas for helping with the BBQ and games for the children.

4. I received many compliments on our beautiful house.

5. My maid, Devi is a superwoman! From house cleaning to food preparation to cooking to wall-drilling! Very efficient and organised too.

6. Gifts received from relatives and friends were lovely, especially the made-in-India hand-woven piece of art from Sharuna.